Brokenhearted or Heartbreaker?

Heartbreaker.

That's the ego. But in reality, it's not.

Heart break is painful. Physically, emotionally, and sometimes even spiritually painful. I’ve felt heart break. I know the agony, I know the pain but what’s even more painful is finding yourself in the role of heartbreaker.

Unfortunately, in most of my relationships I have been the heartbreaker. Believe it or not. I know it s#cks. Pathetic. But it is just not black and white. Sure, it wicked s#cks getting dumped, but having to do the break up? It’s a whole different kind of pain, and by no means easier.

When you’re the person getting your heart broken at least you have a source of outlet for your pain. You can curse your ex up and down for making you feel so bad. You can trash talk them to your friends, you can write nasty letters you’ll never send, you can even blog your heartaches so that the whole world will know and get sympathy from your readers. And yes, you can wallow in self-pity with an adequate reason.

You can’t do that when you’re the heartbreaker.

This is the other side of the story.

When you’re the heartbreaker you get to feel shitty, and deal with your heartbroken ex-love. You get to play the villain in story of your ex’s life. You get to be ignored or chewed out by the once-mutual friends who have teamed up with your ex. You lose a whole part of your life, and are not allowed to mourn for it. And that s#cks. Never have I ever broken up with someone and felt completely fine about it. It always f#cking hurts.

Remember, at one point your heartbreaker truly loved you, and in my case I usually put off doing the actual dumping for as long as possible because I hate the idea of having to hurt someone I care about. How do you tell someone, I love you, I really do, but I just don’t want to be with you. How do you persuade them that they are amazing, and perfect in so many ways, but there’s just something not quite right anymore. How do you deal with the tears and the promises, the anger of a jilter lover, the regretful compliance of a true love, the loss of a friend….all at the same time.

You don’t. At least not well. Not in a way that makes it easy.

I’ve been the heartbreaker.

No reasons to be proud.

It’s not cute or coy or a compliment. It’s an awful role to have to play. And I always end up cast in it.

*sigh*

5 months ago I broke two hearts.






"X" and my own.








PS: I'll be gone for a while, I'm flying to L.A tomorrow. May bibisitahin lang si Coldman.

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You are Rich, I am Poor

Rich: "Pare, pansinin mo si Bea, napaka- eccentric!"
Poor: " Langhiyang Laarni na yan, may sayad ata!"

Rich: " Kawawa naman si Mike misguided yata masyado kasing na spoiled ng magulang"
Poor: " Ano ba naman yung anak mo- durugista!"

Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay "liberated"
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo "malandi"

Rich: "I like your clothes! You're so fashionable!".
Poor: Ba't ganyan ang suot mo? Mukha kang GRO ?!"

Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay"socialite"
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "pok-pok"

Rich: "Masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking"
Poor:" Ano ba naman 'to! Patay gutom!

Anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner"
Anak ng mahirap ay bobo o gung-gong!

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"

Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"
Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan

Rich: "Dude, may allergy yata ako!"
Poor: "Galis ba yan o bakokang?!

Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka, ika'y "tabatsoy" o ..pagminamalas ka, "baboy"

Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro
Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila ay "bastos!"

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is "scoliotic"
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"

Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"
Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

Kapag mayaman, "fasting" ang hindi kumain
Kung mahirap, "tiis-tiis" lang muna mga anak!"


Life is not fair!


COMMERCIAL BREAK

I went to Movie Gallery yesterday and I rented No Reservations and Click. Akala ko comedy yung movie ni Adam Sandler kasi gusto kong matawa (umulan kasi dito, nalungkot ako). Nakakahiya mang aminin pero tumulo ang luha ko. Kakainis! Woah! I'm becoming more vulnerable!

On the contrary, No Reservations was surprisingly good. I already confessed that I love to cook and dream of being a Chef that's why perhaps I like the movie. Although, it was a bit predictable, still it was a feast of fun and feel-good moments.

Warning: Not recommendable if you are single. (Bang! Bang! Bang!) Hahaha!

By the way, the soundtrack was simply excellent, I think choosing classic music gives the movie a unique and enjoyable feeling. I simply love Sway by Michael Buble, Via con Me by Paolo Conte and Nessun Dorma by Luciano Pavarotti.

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I am a failure.

This is not my statement but these words came out from a good friend of mine after our recent conversation. I was surprised that he said this without realizing what he is right now. I don't want to expose all his sad stories here but all of us know that failure happens to us all. In one way or another we encounter failure, not once, not twice. If you ever meet a man who has never failed, I think it either just hasn't happened, or he had learnt early in life to call it a different name.

There are many circumstances that might have made you feel you are not good enough, it might have been your family that failed you or your friends that let you off but no one has the last say on you. If we look it in a different angle, failure has a bright side. No matter how dark it looks right now, it always has a good side. Always! Later on in life you will see the value of that once bitter experience. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you strong. Someday, you'll look back and be happy that it happened then, else, this wouldn't have happened now.

Failing, no matter how many times does not make one a failure, until one judges oneself to be. It always comes to pass, if you can ride the feeling through and ask real questions about what you really want. Chances are, what you failed in is not that significant after all.

I failed also before, many times and I'm proud of every one of them, because without those stories, I will not be a better and stronger person today.

Hope you're okay my friend.


COMMERCIAL BREAK

Finally, I got the deal for the local product shoot in one of the galleries here. In as much as I would like to link the website for that gallery to view my other product portfolio- mabubuko niyo ang magandang pangalan ni Coldman. Sorry na lang po. =)


I'm beginning to love this job!


UPDATE!!!!

Meron na yatang tatalo kay Starboy, I just read this article fresh from Yahoo News, wala lang naalala ko lang si StarBoy. Lol!


WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it.
Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.

The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her "K" instead, the girl's lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.
In his ruling, Murfitt cited a list of the unfortunate names.

Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said.

Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.


Wow! walang binatbat si Honey Lemon at Sweet Apple dito!

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The Art of Letting Go

6 Stages that we often go through after we broke up:


1) DENIAL... wala na siya....wala ng text...wala ng tawag... wala ng goodnight...wala ng nagtatanong ng kumain ka na ba? o kumusta araw mo?...wala ng I love you..wala ng I miss you....parang kailan lang (sabay buntong hininga)

2) QUESTION... bakit ngayon pa kung kailan handa na ako? kung kailan matino na ako? Ako ba ang may problema?

3) ANGER... kung ayaw niya, di wag! bahala siya sa buhay niya! Akala mo kung sino... nagtitiis lang naman ako sa kanya.... sino ngayon ang nawalan?! Madami namang iba dyan!

4) REMINISCING... ****! naalala ko dito kami madalas tumambay. f**k pabango nya yun ah... paboritong kanta niya to!... na miss miss ko ang boses niya.....

5) REGRET... I should have lowered my pride, di na sana umabot sa ganito.

6) ACCEPTANCE... We're not meant for each other... mabuti na yung ganito habang maaga...



Bang! Bang! Bang! Umilag kayo baka may matamaan!


Ouch! natamaan ako! lol!



Pag may ganito akong post, sasabihin niyo na namang emo ako, puwes HINDI! Kamowwwwn?!Hahaha!

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Love and Passion

Coldman: Nay! happy birthday!

Nanay: Salamat anak....

Coldman: O, anong gusto niyong regalo?

Nanay: Bibigyan mo ako?

Coldman: Oo naman?! Ako pa?! Kailan ba kayo humiling na di ko binigay?

Nanay: Kahit ano na lang anak...

Coldman: Owwws?! Alam ko naman na may gusto kayo, wag na kayong mahiya?

Nanay: Gusto ko ng #*#*#*#.. kaya lang.....

Coldman: (Nagulat!) Ang mahal naman ng gusto niyo?! Mamumulubi ako niyan dito! Hahaha!


Happy Birthday sa pinakamamahal kung Nanay, kahit ano pang hilingin niyo basta't makakaya ko, tutuparin ko . Alam niyo naman kung gaano ko kayo kamahal. Sayang nga lang at wala ako diyan sa tabi niyo ngayon.

Love you Nay!


COMMERCIAL BREAK

I'd like to reveal some of my photos that I submitted in school last month. I received good and bad reviews but mostly good ones. All photos were taken using Canon Digital Rebel XTi.

Hope you enjoy it!

Subject: Sand Lake, Co
ISO:100
Aperture: 4.0
Shutter Speed: 1/4000
Lens Focal Length: 50 mm


Subject: Strawberry (from Walmart) Lol!
ISO:400
Aperture: 4.0
Shutter Speed: 1/60
Lens Focal Length: 180 mm


Subject: Holland Tunnel, NY
ISO: 400
Aperture: 3.5
Shutter Speed: 1/13
Lens Focal Length: 21 mm

This is my grade and final comment for my first photo project. Not bad!


Good news! I have a potential client for a local product shots. Hope everything will go well.

Photography is not just a hobby anymore!

Wish me luck!

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Anong pangalan mo?

Matagal- tagal na rin akong di nakakapang-alaska kaya ibabalik ko ang dating si Coldman.

Ang mga pangalang ito ay sa tingin kong kakaiba o di masyadong kagandahan sa aking pandinig. At kung magkaka- anak man ako, sisiguraduhin kong hindi ito magiging pangalan nila. Malay ko, baka kilala niyo rin sila. Pasintabi na lang.

Ooops! Bawal ang pikon dito!

1. Jobert - pangalan pa lang pangit na, naaalala ko si Jobert Sucaldito. Please lang pagnagka- anak kayo wag niyong pangalanang Jobert, baka maging kamukha pa niya. Lol!

2.Bogart- parang pangalan ng ibon o kaya ng guard!

3. Gaylord- kala ko sa Meet the Parents ko lang 'to maririnig, hindi pala ito urban legend.
Ursula(pangit na pangalan din): Coldman si Ge.....
Coldman: Nice to meet you Ge!

After 2 days (feeling close kaagad ako)

Coldman: Ano ba real name mo? Gerald?!
Ge: Hindi. Wag na...
Coldman: Curious lang ako...
Ge: Wag kang tatawa?
Coldman: Oo naman, ba't naman ako tatawa?!
Ge: Gaylord
Coldman: As in Gaylord Focker? Seryoso?!
Ge: Oo nga, kakabadtrip ang tatay ko!

Sabay tawa! Asar-talo tuloy sa akin.

Sorry pare, nadamay ka pa dito kita kits ulit sa Jersey!

( Fact: nagpalit siya ng pangalan dito- Simon na siya ngayon)

4. Charlotte and Georgette- wala lang, di ko trip! kayo trip niyo ba 'tong pangalang 'to?

5. Adonis - pang call boy! sabi ng isang friend kong babae, nakakadiri raw yung pangalan na 'to!

6. Jograd - eeeeewwwwww!

7.Donabelle, Babynette, Honeylette, Shenaleen- syet, ang jologs!

8.Divine Grace - yung Grace okay pa e, o kaya Divine pero pag pinagsama mo parang masyadong holy. E paano kung lumaking kriminal 'tong batang ito?!

9. Ederlyn- kawawa ka naman. At least sikat ka!

10. Honey Lemon- feeling ko ginawang katawa-tawa yung name ng anak ng isang kaibigan ko. Ano tingin nila sa anak nila- flavor ng candy?!

11.Conchita, Perlita, Charito, Barbara- parang ewan! pag pinangalan mo sa baby mo' to- iiyak ng iiyak "Patahanin mo nga si Barbara!" Lol!

12. Baby Girl and Sonny Boy- ang sagwa! lalo na matanda na sila. (Sorry po Tita) Kasi naman ang tawag ko sa kanya Tita Baby, e nasa edad 5o na siya. (sorry po ulit) guilty?! Hahaha!

13. Vangie , Menggay and Chona - para walang ka-class class! Hahaha!

14. Angel- actually maganda siyang pangalan, pero pag lalaki ka at Angel ang pangalan mo, parang.......ano ba yun!

15.Walter and Bernardo- parang bagay lang 'to sa matatanda.

16. Charity, Chastity, Faith, Hope- pangalan ng mga anak ng kapitbahay namin dati! San ka pa?!

17.Sweet Apple - napamura talaga ako nung narinig ko yung pangalan niya....yung Apple matatanggap ko pa e, pero Sweet Apple? sobra na yun! Sabi ng kaibigan ko " Wow! ang sarap naman niyang kagatin!"

18. King Apple- isa pa to! lalaki pa naman siya! Ano ba yun! Hari ng mansanas! Proud ako sa magulang nito! Da best! Hahaha!

19. Busilak- unique! pwede mo na rin isama si Makisig, Mayumi at Marikit!

20.Starboy- pinaka-jologs na narinig kong pangalan!
Coldman: Uy! Starboy musta na?
Starboy: Pare, wag mo nga akong tawaging Starboy! Bob.....bob... ang itawag niyo sa kin!
Coldman: Sorry, Starboy Bob!

Hahaha!

Sorry dude!

21. Bruno- eeeeewwwww ulit! Hahaha!

22.Jhunalyn- kaklase ko nung college, parang ka-level si Ederlyn!

23.Cleotilde at Luzviminda- kaklase ko nung high school! Sinakop na ng pangalan niya ang buong Pilipinas!

24. Heman- noong unang dinig ko 'to, kala ko nagbibiro lang siya, tapos sabay hirit ng isa kong kabarkada, " So, pangalan ng kapatid mo Sheira?! Laugh trip! Hahahaha!

25. Axel Rose, Roger Moore - kaklase ko rin noong college. Di naman fanatic mga magulang nila?!

26. Christituto at Apolinario - ba't niyo binigyan ng ganyang pangalan ang anak niyo?

27. Mlhen- putragis! ang hirap bigkasin!

28.Olga- kaibigan ko 'to pero di ko trip talaga pangalan niya. Pero pretty siya. Sorry! kita kits sa LA!

29. Her Majesty- anak ng tokwa! paano pag lumaking katulong yung bata?! "Her Majesty ipagtimpla mo nga ako ng kape!" "Bilisan mo!"

30. Arhnhel- putik! estudyante ko dati sa Review Center, naubos ang hininga ko sa pangalan niya! Isama mo na rin dyan si Mhykhel, Jhun, Mhel, Vhong, Jhay, Abhie, Jhimmy, Jho, Jhen, Mhae. Putsa ano bang meron sa letter "H" at parang kalat na kalat 'to? Sosyal ba siyang pakinggan? Haaaaanephhhhhh! Lol!


Next time, apelyido naman ang pagiinitan ko na pinangungunahan ng mga "Di"

Dimayakyak

Dimasupil

Dimaano

Dimagiba and so on.............

Ito'y katuwaan lang naman, malas mo lang pag nabanggit ko pangalan mo dyan! Peace! =)

Pag nalaman niyo tunay na pangalan ko, baka pagtawan niyo din ako! Hahaha! Dyuk!


May kakilala ba kayong di niyo gusto ang pangalan?

P.S: May isang blogger din pala na kakaiba ang pangalan sa pandinig ko, pero di ko na sasabihin kung sino yun UNLESS pilitin niyo ako. Sige na pilitin niyo ako! Lol!


Putik! Nagbabalik na ang orig na Alaskador! Humanda kayo! (dyuk lang)

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Long Weekend

....My apologies for not updating a bit sooner. First, thanks to all the bloggers who greeted me, sorry If I did'nt have the chance to reply to all your comments but I read all of them. Typically I would have found time to make a blog entry but a lot of my spare time has been filled up with hanging out with friends lately.

Thursday night, we went out to Denver to celebrate my bday. Honestly, I really don't drink so whenever I have to try some wine or alcoholic drinks on occassional basis... oh boy... my head is really twirling and I am kinda swerving . I think I had a lot that night but I enjoyed the feeling of being drunk! Lol!

Friday night Independence Day fireworks! It was like New Year in Pinas! I played the manual mode of my cam with different apertures and shutter speeds unfortunately I am not satisfied with the results. Too bad!

Saturday morning, we drove 200 miles from Denver to New Mexico to witness the balloon festival. I feel so exhausted on this trip.

It’s nice seeing all the balloons go up in the air but I’ve wanted to experience what it would be like to actually ride in one of them instead of being the one looking up I want to be the one looking down.

Maybe next time, If somebody will ask me!

Okay, I'm tired.....

Time to go to bed =)

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Smile, Birthday Boy!

There are so many reasons to be happy!

Since it's my special day today

I will contemplate all my blessings,

I will treasure all the special people who loved me

and others who've enriched my life just by being there

Most importantly, I will thank God for His grace, which is more than enough for each new day!

Celebrate with me!

I'm officially 2 _!

Bilang pasasalamat ko sa inyo, ito na lang ang regalo ni Coldman sa inyong lahat. Malapit na ata akong magpakita! Hmmmm....

Malapit na rin mawala yung double chin na yan, one month to go!

Salamat sa mga nag-email at bumati. =)

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